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4 years later…

September 23, 2016 by B.Good

Wow.  Didn’t know I’d be down for this long. It’s taken nearly four years for me to come back to this blog, and commit myself to living the “GOOD” life.

As I read my last post, written on December 18, 2012, I see I didn’t change a thing.  Not one single thing.  I didn’t learn my lesson, I wasn’t careful, I wasn’t mindful, and now I must re-lose all of the weight I had lost since January 2007.  Learning the same exact lesson…4 years later (well, I guess it’s really 10 years later…but I digress).

How ridiculous is that?

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It’s like the movie Groundhog Day…living the same exact experience, over and over again.  Wondering if the world has gone crazy…or is it just me?  Spoiler Alert: it’s just me.  It’s clear that I will never conquer this area of my life until I make significant and permanent changes.  And as I’m typing this now…I’m almost certain I’ve typed this before.

But I must say…as I lose and gain, and lose and gain some more…I learn more and more just how serious and indefinite my condition is. It’s perplexing to me how this process has gone.  How one minute I can be fully focused and locked in on living a healthy lifestyle…and then a few minutes later…I can be completely thrown off track and lose sight of it altogether.

What IS that?  Why does that happen?

I suppose it’s different for everyone, but for me it comes down to one thing: I Am An Addict.  I cannot slip, dip, flip, or skip out on my routine AT ALL, whatsoever.  There is no such thing as a “cheat day”, meal, or snack for me.  I am an emotional eater of the highest highs and the lowest lows.  I can neither use food as a reward nor as comfort.  Like an alcoholic can’t have just 1 glass…I can’t have just 1 treat.  Plain and simple.  It’s a serious issue for me, I just can’t do it, and I just have to accept that.

I wish I had kept up with blogging.  My most successful weight loss accomplishments have happened while I blogged through it.  Blogging is a great accountability tool for me.  Had I stayed with it and read through my old posts…I may have found the momentum I needed to get back in the game and stay in the game….much sooner than now.

But I can’t dwell on that.  I am here now…again…and pray I never stray…again.

I am indeed, still, motivated by my failure.

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